Sunday, October 31, 2010
Time goes by too fast these days... It was just the other day that my first was a newborn and here he is 11 and a half! It feels like I just got here to CA, and it's already been 6 weeks! In some ways it seems like it's been forever and in some ways it seems like just yesterday I left for here. Don't know how much longer I'll be here... We may be leaving tomorrow : ( Never do know for sure what we'll be doing. It's really frustrating sometimes. We may have to pack up and leave at any given moment. It's really a frustrating thing to never know what's going to happen in the future, let alone what's going to happen tomorrow, or even later today. An unsettled life. No stability. Where's my anchor? Where's my Rock?
That's how I've been feeling. Exhausted! Between all the deaths in my family, PMS, cramping, migraines/headaches, sick kids, and sick self, I've gotten very little sleep the last month. I am so cranky it's absurd! I feel so on edge about everything. It's like I'm just waiting for someone to say "something" to jump on them. I have been yelling at my kids so much too. I hate it! I don't intend to let loose, but then something sets me off and WHAM! 2 weeks ago I knew T.O.M. was coming so it wasn't surprising, but now 2 weeks later and still nothing! So, needless to say now I'm really having some anger issues! Please pray for me if you think about it.
My great grandmother died a month and a half ago. It was hard, but we knew she wasn't suffering anymore and that she was with the Lord. My Uncle died last week. It was a bad situation. He hung himself to punish my Aunt. He is most likely in Hell. How awful is that? How my Aunt is suffering! And I wonder, what good can come of this? or how can good come of this? I know the Lord can work through and in this, but it's still just so sad. A stress on the family for sure.
Zachary and Kathleen had croup over a week ago. Sleepless nights with all the barking coughs! Now they have a wet cough that keeps us up nights. And Zachary is teething still... Four top teeth coming through, one bottom and it looks like his molars are swelling now. Poor kid! 3 of my kids have ear infections too.
Being that since I have been pregnant and/or nursing for over 12 years now, I don't have a regular T.O.M. which means never knowing for sure what's going on. This time (after this baby, I mean) I have been having really bad PMS. Which if I went to the dr. for I'm sure would be diagnosed as PMDD. In other words severe PMS. When I realize what's going on I am able to recognize and deal with (curb) my attitudes, thoughts and actions much better. But this month and last I feel like I'm totally losing control. Of all three!
I think a big part of my problem is that I've lost my focus. I have stopped completely focusing on the Lord! I have been so "busy" doing nothing. Visiting, cleaning, laundry and going here and there... I have been consumed with doing things. I guess that's probably why I've felt this dissatisfied feeling for a while now. Feeling like nothings right.
Pro. 21:23 Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.
That is a verse that I really need to learn by heart and write on my forehead! So that I can see it every time I look in the mirror!
James 3:8 But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
And this one makes me wonder if I'm doomed to a life of troubles???
Proverbs 31:26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
Nope, I'm not doomed, but I definitely need to work on bridling my tongue better! I know there aren't many people following my blog, but to those who are... I am really asking for a lot of prayer! Please pray that I will seek after the Lord and do as He wills and wants. Obedience to our Lord will keep us out of so much trouble in all areas of life! Pray that I will be diligent in my reading and prayer life, and that I will be a calmer more patient wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend.
I'm such a work in progress... How bout a song? : )
"He's Still Working On Me!"
1. There really ought to be a sign upon the heart,
Don't judge her yet, there's an unfinished part.
But I'll be perfect just according to His plan
Fashioned by the Master's loving hands.
2. In the mirror of His Word reflections that I see
Make me wonder why He never gave up on me.
He loves me as I am and helps me when I pray
Remember He's the Potter, I'm the clay
Had a tea party for Makenzie's 7th birthday. Her birthday isn't til the 29th, but I wanted to be able to do it while we were here with family and I didn't know for sure when we were leaving. (still don't know) It was lots of fun though! My mom used her real tea cups and they got to decorate cookies instead of having cake. We had strawberries and some mini-grapes (not concord), and tea sized PBJ, sugar and peanut butter/marshmallow sandwiches. And real tea of course! : )
Well, I'm still in CA visiting...Having a great time of it too! So glad I was able to come out here! Been wanting to post but everytime I get on here to, my mind goes blank! Guess I'll save up my thoughts : )
Zachary and Kathleen have croup. Zachary is really bad. He sounded so awful last night it scared me! And I'm not easily scared by sickness. Gave him some cough syrup and put on some Mentholatum and he was better. He was very restless all night though. Hopefully he'll do better tonight. Kathleen gets croup pretty frequently. She doesn't seem too bad right now. Just a bad cough at night. Praying they get better quick! I need some sleep!
Guess that's all for now!
I have really noticed the world invading our churches and lives recently. It seems to me that people are lowering their standards. I think a big reason for that is that they are lowering "standards". Huh? Duh! Did I just say that? : ) Yes, but the problem is, a lot of the "standards" shouldn't be just standards they should be Convictions! What's the difference? Well, without doing word studies, I think that the difference is that a standard is more a way of life and something "YOU" think is right. Something, you try, in and of yourself to do. Whereas a conviction is a belief. Doesn't really matter if you want to do it, you KNOW it's right and therefore have to do it because GOD says you do.
It's so sad to see so many people back-sliding. And there are sooo many of them, which got me thinking about this. People I really thought had these convictions...ie...not going to the theatre, not wearing pants, not listening to bad music, not using birth control, etc... Are doing those exact things like it's no big deal. Which made me question the why of the way they acted before. If it had been a conviction/belief, they wouldn't be able to do it without feeling guilty. However if it had only been a standard...
It's so sad when you begin to feel like you'd rather go to a church where they dress worldly, use contemporary music and so on, than to go to such hypocritical churches, where so many people are just doing things for show. Having their "standards" just to make people notice them. When in the end it really isn't the outward that pleases God, but the inward. The attitudes, the thought processes, as well as the works that come naturally because of the inward rightness. "John 12:43 For they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God."
So, where is your heart? Are you doing things to please the Lord or are you doing them to please men? Are you living "right" so others notice you or so that others notice the Lord IN you?
Wow, I can't believe it's October already! Time just flies! I am still in Cali, having a great time with family. Got more visiting planned for this weekend, lookin' forward to it! Have 2 birthdays and an anniversary at the end of this month. It's gonna be a busy month.
Which really brings up an interesting thought...Do you know the acronym for BUSY? It's B-eing, U-nder, S-atans', Y-oke... Not really something I want to be known for. And while some acronyms are silly this one is pretty realistic and true. It really seems these days that people are too busy doing "stuff", so that they have no time for people. What happened to the days when we could stop at a friends house unannounced and be welcomed? Now you HAVE to call ahead just to make sure they're there, because they are so busy doing that they may not have time to visit!
As a homeschooler I think this is a big problem for a lot of homeschool families. In order to expose their kids to things they think they might miss out on...ie...music, art, P.E., socials, etc... Parents put them in so much stuff that they are literally a taxi-mom and have no time to do school at home. Which means they are no longer HOMEschooling they are on-the-go-in-the-car-or-wherever-schooling. How can that be beneficial? I want my kids involved in some of those things, but it seems to me that people get so caught up being busy doing those things that they neglect other things more important. Such as, school, or the house, or cooking at home, or the kids, or their husbands. I don't want that for my family.
People really need to stop being so BUSY! Take time for family, church and people. I mean really, when was the last time you just stopped by a friends unannounced and had a good visit? Or when was the last time you spent the entire day at home just "being" with your family? When was the last time you actually did all the schoolwork you needed in a day (without leaving your house for some extra-curricular thing?) or finished all the curriculum for the year?
As a wife and mother how can you fulfill the scripture "Titus 2:5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers AT home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed." if you're not at home?
I think we need to stop being so BUSY and stay home and do our job! Our husbands and children need that from us, and most importantly God need that from us!