Recently

Recently life has thrown me a curve ball... Isn't that the way it always seems to go? :) Things had been going pretty well and then "BAM!" downhill it goes...

It all started back before Mother's Day. I started feeling sick to my stomach and had several days of stomach issues. Thought I had the Rotavirus. It "went away" but kept coming back randomly and I was having the most difficult time with eating. I couldn't eat much, my stomach would go into awful spasms when I ate, and I was miserable. I called my Dr who said there wasn't anything they could do for me since I'm pregnant. I called the midwife, but was already doing everything natural that she recommended. It just wasn't going away :( Then 4 weeks ago after church on a Sunday morning we went to my in-laws. My hubby picked up some pizza for our lunch. Now I haven't been craving much this pregnancy, but the one thing I really had been craving was pepperoni pizza. I took 2 pieces (they were the small square ones) and I literally had to force myself to finish the second one. I was so miserable afterwards. My hubby and I went to a thrift store in town to see if there was anything "good". They live in a different town so we don't frequent that particular store often and we like going to thrift stores :) By the time we got back to the house I was dying. My MIL was concerned, and asked if I thought it was my gallbladder. Seriously, felt like a light bulb moment. Duh! If someone had told me all the symptoms I had been having, my first suggestion would have been gallbladder. I had vaguely thought a few times that "that symptom" was odd because it was a gallbladder issue but there was nothing wrong with my gallbladder so that couldn't be it. This is why even if I'm sure someone knows something I always suggest it because sometimes when it's you you just don't think of things. Too close to the situation I guess? We headed home to go to evening service, but by the time we got home I knew there was no way I could make it. I tried to just lay down hoping it would just go away, but it wasn't very long before I knew it wouldn't go away and I couldn't handle the pain anymore. We headed to the ER. I was checked into L & D because I was past 20 weeks pregnant. They gave me pain meds and observed me. The pain meds did NOT work and I wasn't contracting and baby's heartbeat was fine. So then they admitted me and wanted to hook me up to an IV. Talk about not fun... They poked me 5 times to get it in :( Blew one of my veins and bruised me really bad. (the bruises are just now finally almost gone) They finally got it and gave me some different meds. Made me very loopy and worked for a few hrs. But the Dr had ordered them very spaced out so they got authorization to give them more frequently. I was able to sleep off and on, as much as a person can in pain and in a hospital. In the A.M. they did an U/S and confirmed that yes, it was my gallbladder. Stones and a dilated duct. The surgeon did a consult and we discussed options. While I could have had surgery right then, I really felt like the risks were too great because of how far along I already was. I was sent home with pain meds and told to go on a bland diet. That week I was still in so much pain it was unbelievable. My hubby was thankfully able to take the week off to take care of me and the kids. I spent most of the week in my bed. It's been very difficult, to say the least, to try to figure this all out. I have figured out a lot of my "trigger" foods, but it's more than just "what" foods I eat, it's also how much I eat. I can eat something that doesn't bother me, but if I eat too much... Thankfully I am doing well enough to not need anything stronger than Tylenol for the pain for the most part. I only have 3-5 weeks left for this pregnancy and then hopefully will be able to have my gallbladder removed so I can eat like a normal person. I do so want to eat healthy, and won't be going crazy eating junk, but I really want to be able to eat a normal sized meal without feeling like the food is just sitting in my stomach for hours on end and being in extreme pain. It's very hard to not be able to eat or drink much. I'm really struggling with not getting dehydrated, which is aggravating my kidneys :-/

In the midst of all this I am also having some severe issues with my hips/pelvis. I can barely stand, let alone walk most of the time. Makes it difficult to get things done, like grocery shopping, nesting, etc... I am so thankful that my kids are so good about doing things without complaining (for the most part) and taking a burden off my mind because of it.

Still, in the middle of all of it I am very stressed and frustrated by it all. I hate being in pain, I hate not being able to do things that I want to do without getting help, I hate feeling lazy/useless, I hate feeling like a burden. But I am coming to realize that I just need to be "content in the state I'm in". It's a very humbling thing to have to rely on others to help you with things. It's hard for me to come to grips with not being able to do all I want to do. I have had to get to the point where I accept the fact that I can only do a little bit during the day. That means that I have to pick and choose what I do each day. If I go to the store then I know that that is all I will be able to do that day and I have to be O.K. with that. If I go to morning service on Sunday then I know I probably won't be able to make it to evening service and as much as I hate it, I have to be O.K. with that. Etc...

It's so hard, but I know that the Lord is helping me through it. I guess sometimes we just need to be humbled by our circumstance so we can realize that we HAVE to rely on God. That we cannot do it all on our own. We have to go to Him for help. He is the only one who can truly help us through any and every adversity in life. I am so glad that He is always there to help. I am so glad that we have a Lord who is totally dependable :)

Blessings, ♥T