Friday, October 22, 2010

Exhaustion..He's Still Working On Me

That's how I've been feeling. Exhausted! Between all the deaths in my family, PMS, cramping, migraines/headaches, sick kids, and sick self, I've gotten very little sleep the last month. I am so cranky it's absurd! I feel so on edge about everything. It's like I'm just waiting for someone to say "something" to jump on them. I have been yelling at my kids so much too. I hate it! I don't intend to let loose, but then something sets me off and WHAM! 2 weeks ago I knew T.O.M. was coming so it wasn't surprising, but now 2 weeks later and still nothing! So, needless to say now I'm really having some anger issues! Please pray for me if you think about it.

My great grandmother died a month and a half ago. It was hard, but we knew she wasn't suffering anymore and that she was with the Lord. My Uncle died last week. It was a bad situation. He hung himself to punish my Aunt. He is most likely in Hell. How awful is that? How my Aunt is suffering! And I wonder, what good can come of this? or how can good come of this? I know the Lord can work through and in this, but it's still just so sad. A stress on the family for sure.

Zachary and Kathleen had croup over a week ago. Sleepless nights with all the barking coughs! Now they have a wet cough that keeps us up nights. And Zachary is teething still... Four top teeth coming through, one bottom and it looks like his molars are swelling now. Poor kid! 3 of my kids have ear infections too.

Being that since I have been pregnant and/or nursing for over 12 years now, I don't have a regular T.O.M. which means never knowing for sure what's going on. This time (after this baby, I mean) I have been having really bad PMS. Which if I went to the dr. for I'm sure would be diagnosed as PMDD. In other words severe PMS. When I realize what's going on I am able to recognize and deal with (curb) my attitudes, thoughts and actions much better. But this month and last I feel like I'm totally losing control. Of all three!

I think a big part of my problem is that I've lost my focus. I have stopped completely focusing on the Lord! I have been so "busy" doing nothing. Visiting, cleaning, laundry and going here and there... I have been consumed with doing things. I guess that's probably why I've felt this dissatisfied feeling for a while now. Feeling like nothings right.

Pro. 21:23 Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.

That is a verse that I really need to learn by heart and write on my forehead! So that I can see it every time I look in the mirror!

James 3:8 But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.

And this one makes me wonder if I'm doomed to a life of troubles???

Proverbs 31:26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

Nope, I'm not doomed, but I definitely need to work on bridling my tongue better! I know there aren't many people following my blog, but to those who are... I am really asking for a lot of prayer! Please pray that I will seek after the Lord and do as He wills and wants. Obedience to our Lord will keep us out of so much trouble in all areas of life! Pray that I will be diligent in my reading and prayer life, and that I will be a calmer more patient wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend.

I'm such a work in progress... How bout a song? : )

"He's Still Working On Me!"

1. There really ought to be a sign upon the heart, 
Don't judge her yet, there's an unfinished part. 
But I'll be perfect just according to His plan 
Fashioned by the Master's loving hands. 


He's still working on me to make me what I ought to be. 
It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars, 
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars. 
How loving and patient He must be, He's still working on me. 

2. In the mirror of His Word reflections that I see 
Make me wonder why He never gave up on me. 
He loves me as I am and helps me when I pray 
Remember He's the Potter, I'm the clay

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I send you my loving thoughts. My only sibling chose to end his own life and left children etc. with his death I lost access to my relatives. In the end I had to rationalise that God knew his heart and why leaving was preferable to continuing the journey. I cannot judge.

However it is is difficult to be left behind and wondering. So prayers for you all too.

Because of the difficult nature I have chosen to be private about this.

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