Monday, January 23, 2012

Liar, liar, pants on fire...

Ok, so this is actually a serious post :)

To all the mom's out there...

Have any of you ever dealt with a child who lies about EVERY thing? And I mean literally everything! A child who will lie to get out of trouble, who will make up stories about anything and everything, who will lie to your face even when you watch them do "it"? What do you do? How did you deal with it? I am at a loss and nothing I say or "do" is seeming to get through to this child. I welcome any suggestions!

Blessings, ♥T


Sarah said...

My daughter used to lie quite a lot in the past, and at times I was so afraid that she would never stop. Sometimes even when I just witnessed her doing the exact thing she was lying about! Like you, I felt that it was a very serious issue.

Lying had NEVER been tolerated in our home, but she kept on doing it. At times I despaired! Over the last two years, with Gods grace it has stopped!

Firstly I prayed, and prayed, and PRAYED for her! Then I examined how I reacted when she was caught out: If I lost control, this would only make the problem worse because she would be afraid of my reaction, so would therefore lie even more to cover up! Not what either of us wanted! So I began to control myself more when I would discipline her. That mean't no angry words/tone from me. She would be punished for lying BUT I would do it in a calm manner!

The Bible way of discipling, really held the key for us.

I also once heard it said, that when a child struggles with one particular sin, that it can be the opposite of what God is calling them to do/be. For example if a child lies a lot, perhaps God is training them to be a warrior for His perfect truth!

I hope that this was a help in someway.

Anonymous said...

You seem quite desperate. But please have patience, and please remember that your child is a gift from God!
I'm sure NO child lies about every thing, as it would mean lying 24/7. Surely at least when it is hungry or has a need for the bathroom (toilet), or talks about the things it wants it WILL tell the truth.

Why not calmly explain to him/her how bad lying is -in a quiet minute-(e.g."Don't you think God will be sad if you lie?" or "How would you feel, if I told you to get you a new car/ doll but actually never would do so?") and encourage the child every time it tells the truth -at first even if it may seem insignificant in your eyes- by praising it or something similar? Perhaps you could emphasize the good behaviour this way and show the child that if it is nice to others, the others also will be nice to it...
I'm sure with Gods help you will find a solution!

Twinkle Toes said...

Thank you for that encouragement Sarah! I do think my reaction is probably part of the issue and have determined to work on it.

Anonymous~ Um, I am desperate. As a child of God, lying is a very serious thing. And yes she actually does lie about being hungry and using the bathroom. Either saying she is when she's trying to get out of work or lying about what she ate or whether she went to the bathroom, so... She lies about pretty much everything and it is very hard to believe anything she says.

Yes I can see how praising might help. So thank you for that suggestion. I have talked with her calmly and she knows it is wrong, it's a matter of the heart though and it needs to be weeded out!

momto8 said...

good luck with your newest baby..and congrats!! My sister who is a teacher once told me ALL kids lie...and they don't see it as a moral issue, but as a solution ..I am your newest follower..pls follow back if you can!

Twinkle Toes said...

momto8~ Thank you! I'll look you up :)

I agree ALL kids lie, I'd say every person lies. I do see that she thinks it's a solution, but it is a moral issue and I don't want her to continue getting worse. I'd like for her to get better.

Bobbin Aubins said...

Great encouragement Sarah. It is always nice to see others, acknowledge and encourage. especially when they can say that they have been through something similar:-)
Twinkle Toes....I can't offer advice from experience, only to seek God's word. I would encourage you to find scripture to do with your spirit and parenting and "write them upon the table of thine heart." write them out and place them everywhere you will see them daily. Also have this child start memorizing scriptures on lying and simply ask her to quote them in the times you catch her in a lie.
I also heard (from my memory a great preacher say???) to never accuse your child of lying, that it makes them lie more. That it can also make them feel that you don't trust them. (duh if they are you probably don't) Something to do with it making it worse. I will try to remember where I read it and if it is good and true ;-) I will let you know:-)
7 -21 days to go....hoping for the lesser! Can't wait to meet ..... sweet baby girl♥

♥ ya!

Anonymous said...

Hi twylia. I actually had this issue with our five year old boy.So I decided to watch him for several days. he would lie about everything!! I would be standing right there and he would lie about something I saw him do (or not do)

So I decided I was going to teach him a little lesson. I thought maybe he didn't fully understand the consequences of his lie or how it made others feel. and how God feels about it.

So the story:
He was supposed to go to a movie in the park with my husabnd and the girls. He got in trouble a few hours before for lying and so I took it away as the punishment. He was SO disappointed! About ten minutes before my husband and the girls were about to leave, I came to him and said "You can go tonight". He was so excited. Thanking me over and over. got his shoes on and jacket. Lining up by the front door, I said my goodbyes to my hubby and girls. And when I came to Chris, I said " Chris I lied. you can't go tonight."

Absolutly devistated. Now I debated back and forth about doing this because can you teach a child not to do something by actually doing what you say not to? What kind of example would I be?? In the end, I was desperate. I don't know if it was right or wrong (maybe he will be scarred for life! Who knows) But what i do know is that he didn't like that.

It then gave me a chance to tell him (and he felt it!) that how he feels right now is how mommy and daddy feel everytime he lies to us. We talked about Jesus. We talked about why it is important to tell the truth. And I also told him that I would never lie to him again!

It has been about 7 months since I did this. he has lied only a handful of times since then. And when I do catch him, I remind him about how he felt the day mommy lied to him...

(please don't judge me...ugg..) I hope you find something that works for you. I just know exactly how you feel though!!!!

Twinkle Toes said...

@ Bobbin Aubins~ I totally agree with using scripture. We definitely need to use all the 3x5 cards I've got laying around to put them all over the house! I remember you saying that, about not calling them a liar, but man is it hard when they are just that. And what can you say when they are questioning why they can't do this or that? I don't trust you cause you lie is the only answer, but don't know if it's going to make things worse or not! I think I'm ok waiting to meet this little girl. Don't know why, but I'm just not ready :) But she'll come when she's ready and that's fine!

@ Rachel~ I most certainly am NOT going to judge you! I wish I could find a way to do that with my child. They have to know that it's wrong and it really helps for them to know how it feels too I think.

Ah, The joys of parenting. I love my children and it's so hard watching them do something that if they don't stop soon, will cause them nothing but heartache for the rest of their life! And to know that there will be a rift in the relationship with the Lord is so horribly sad! Thanks for all the encouragement and suggestions! :)

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